A week and a half ago Nathan, Norah, Peter and I visited the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and met with a doctor to learn more about the stem cell bone marrow transplants Nate will undergo after his chemotherapy is complete. I know doctors have to tell you ALL the risks involved, but it was not a fun visit. Basically he told us that chemotherapy alone would not cure Nathan, that there would be a 98% chance that the cancer would return within a year and that it may not respond to chemotherapy the second time. However, there are so many risks involved with the transplant, it is not a sure thing either. Still, the odds are better and we are hoping because Nathan is young and healthy he will not experience any complications.
Doctors appointments are hard because that is where reality hits. Most of the time I tell myself, "we can get through this. Just do chemotherapy, go to Seattle and then live happily ever after." The drive, appointment, and news wore Nathan out so much that we went to our hotel room (thanks Mike!) and Nathan slept for hours while I got to spend some one-on-one time with Norah and Peter. It was dark by the time Nathan woke up. We went to the Seattle temple and walked around admiring all the beautiful flowers by the light of the temple. We are so thankful for the knowledge that families can be together forever.
Originally, we had thought about moving our family to Seattle for Nate's treatment, but after the doctor's appointment we realized that would not be wise. He will be receiving lethal doses of chemotherapy and at first, will be in the hospital.Nathan is required to have a full time care giver. It would not be possible for me to take care of him and the kids. Dr. Malloney told us his immune system will be so weak a cold could kill him and he strongly recommended not even to have Norah and Peter with us.
So new plans. Being flexible and living day by day is what cancer is all about. We are hoping our insurance will help us pay for a room at the Cancer facility because that is an immune aware environment. I will have to take Peter, but if we always stay in Nate's room, take lots of vitamin C's and wash our hands, I think it will be okay. The kids will be going back to school, except for Megan who basically home schools herself. I feel sorry for Norah. She is still so young and will be lonely all day with all the kids gone. I wish I didn't have to leave her. She had such a rough time when I was at the hospital. Maybe after Nathan starts getting better I will take turns with our moms so I can come home to be with the kids.
I wish I knew more of what to expect so I can make plans.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
out with the old...
Megan
Amazing actress, beautiful in braces, creative cutie.
Michael
The best big brother a kid could have. Derek (or the girls) couldn't live without him. Brings laughter to our family with his clever jokes and optimism.
Emma
"Beautiful, loves babies, and enjoys playing with friends." -Emma
Marian
Reads Box Car Children, easy going, loving, creative, artist, friendly, loves to decorate, fun, fun, fun!
Sir Derek
Builder of Castles, Befreinder of Dragons, Protector of Little Sisters, Lover of Dinosaurs,Trains and Bi-Planes, and All Around Really Good Kid.
Princess Eliza
Always found with a baby doll in her arms and a smile on her face, Eliza loves to laugh, and, like any other two year old, get her way.
Norah
Smiles, coos... what more could we ask for?
Saturday, March 2, 2013
When ever the seasons change and I switch from my coat to jacket I'm greeted with forgotten items in the pockets. Like a short term time capsule, it brings back memories from six months prior. There's usually a few hair bands, maybe some change, always used Kleenexes and if you are very lucky, the camera you thought you lost in Seattle last November. YEA!!!
The night before Nate was diagnosed with Cancer I was praying that we would finally be able to figure out what was wrong with him. I was hit with a very strong impression that this was something very serious but immediately I felt that it would be okay. I knew that Heavenly Father was mindful of us and that this was for our good.
I have never felt the spirit in the role of a comforter as strongly as I did that first week. From the moment after my prayer I felt like a two foot thick blanket surrounded me. Valerie offered to watch the kids if I wanted to go to the temple, but I seriously felt that the temple was around me. There were still awful moments, but mostly I felt very calm and guided as we went through the hospital experience.
When we got home that feeling started to fade and Nathan and I talked about how we were kind of sad that things were getting back to normal. However, at the same time, news of Nathan's diagnosis began to get out and people started praying for us. As that thick blanket of comfort was slowly wearing away, it was being replaced by the sustaining power of those who were offering prayers in our behalf. It has been an amazing experience for me. I've prayed for others before and have felt bad that might have been all I could do. I wasn't sure if my prayers even mattered.
Now when people tell me they are praying for us I sincerely thank them. I know that it is those prayers that are sustaining us. I am calm and patient. We are able to enjoy spending time together as a family instead of worrying. I still feel sick in my stomach when I read statistics, but I'm not going to think about that. Miracles happen, and someone has to be in that 17%. It might as well be Nate.
Besides the prayers we have other acts of service that have lightened our load and brightened our day. On Valentine's Day, our door was decorated with each one of our names. How fun! After Nathan got home from the hospital we were brought some meals. I felt kind of funny at first. I wasn't sick. I could make dinner. But the kids and Nathan were so excited. They were disappointed when I told the ward we didn't need meals after I had Peter. It was such a blessing. I was busy getting our lives back in order and it was a relief to answer the 4:00 "hey Mom, what's for dinner?" with "someone's bringing it!" I also discovered that picky kids are more likely to eat something someone brings than what I make!
On Wednesday we heard a sound like the finale of a fireworks display that I figured out was knocking at the front door. When I went to open it a dinner was on our doorstep and I heard lots of giggles. It turned out to be Nate's scouts. He was so happy to see them! He has really missed them and it was so cute when they came in and visited him.
We also had a very thoughtful chemo care package left on our doorstep. It even included thank you notes, which was great for me because I had planned on buying some before chemo on Wednesday and spend part of that time writing them.
We are so grateful for the love that has been expressed to Nathan and our family. Nathan has said that he wishes every one could go through this - minus the cancer.
I have never felt the spirit in the role of a comforter as strongly as I did that first week. From the moment after my prayer I felt like a two foot thick blanket surrounded me. Valerie offered to watch the kids if I wanted to go to the temple, but I seriously felt that the temple was around me. There were still awful moments, but mostly I felt very calm and guided as we went through the hospital experience.
When we got home that feeling started to fade and Nathan and I talked about how we were kind of sad that things were getting back to normal. However, at the same time, news of Nathan's diagnosis began to get out and people started praying for us. As that thick blanket of comfort was slowly wearing away, it was being replaced by the sustaining power of those who were offering prayers in our behalf. It has been an amazing experience for me. I've prayed for others before and have felt bad that might have been all I could do. I wasn't sure if my prayers even mattered.
Now when people tell me they are praying for us I sincerely thank them. I know that it is those prayers that are sustaining us. I am calm and patient. We are able to enjoy spending time together as a family instead of worrying. I still feel sick in my stomach when I read statistics, but I'm not going to think about that. Miracles happen, and someone has to be in that 17%. It might as well be Nate.
Besides the prayers we have other acts of service that have lightened our load and brightened our day. On Valentine's Day, our door was decorated with each one of our names. How fun! After Nathan got home from the hospital we were brought some meals. I felt kind of funny at first. I wasn't sick. I could make dinner. But the kids and Nathan were so excited. They were disappointed when I told the ward we didn't need meals after I had Peter. It was such a blessing. I was busy getting our lives back in order and it was a relief to answer the 4:00 "hey Mom, what's for dinner?" with "someone's bringing it!" I also discovered that picky kids are more likely to eat something someone brings than what I make!
On Wednesday we heard a sound like the finale of a fireworks display that I figured out was knocking at the front door. When I went to open it a dinner was on our doorstep and I heard lots of giggles. It turned out to be Nate's scouts. He was so happy to see them! He has really missed them and it was so cute when they came in and visited him.
We also had a very thoughtful chemo care package left on our doorstep. It even included thank you notes, which was great for me because I had planned on buying some before chemo on Wednesday and spend part of that time writing them.
We are so grateful for the love that has been expressed to Nathan and our family. Nathan has said that he wishes every one could go through this - minus the cancer.
During Dinner
Merian: Mom, I think I have a problem.
Me: What's that?
Merian: I think I swallowed my tooth.
Emma: Let me see. (Merian smiles) Yep, you did!
We are keeping the Tooth Fairy busy. Last night Derek lost his first tooth! I noticed it was quite wiggly while he was talking to me and I told him if he wiggled it it would probably come out soon. Within a minute he was proudly showing it to me.
Me: What's that?
Merian: I think I swallowed my tooth.
Emma: Let me see. (Merian smiles) Yep, you did!
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