This is kind of weird, but after it happened Nathan commented it was a conversation to record.

I was snuggling with Derek the other night.  We just don't get enough of that now that he is in Kindergarten. He's always telling me I'm the best mom ever and how much he loves me. After the usual, he told me that after I died he would hug my bones. He must have sensed that wasn't a normal thing to say and tried to make it better. "I mean I'll hold your bones with a napkin." Hmmm....

Merian and I have been talking about the possibility of her being home schooled. It has always been the plan to start in fourth grade, so she'd be coming home next year, but I miss her! She wants to be home schooled too and I know she's a good worker and a responsible learner. She has friends and cousins at school and is doing well socially and academically, but mentions the hope of coming home when ever she can. Her best part of her day is always coming home. She hasn't complained about anything, although I know she really wants to be home schooled. I don't want her to think she has to complain in order to get what she wants.  Mainly, I just miss her and would love to have her home. We might have to move the rooms around again so that we can have a bigger school room...

I'm not a confident home school mom. I worry all the time if I'm doing enough for my children academically and socially. It's like some grand experiment and I won't know the results until too late. But I like what I see so far. My kids are learning. Not only are they learning the material, but they are learning how to teach themselves and focus on learning, not on merely making the grade. Emma always impresses me how she will work on math until she understands it, not just trying to learn quick tricks to pass the tests. Ultimately, the goal is for them to move from one subject to another without prodding, and they are getting pretty good at it, so they are learning self motivation and discipline. Megan is so good at it she always finishes her work before lunch and then has the afternoon to work on her talents and explore her interests. I wish she had more opportunities to be with kids her own age, and I curse PSD for not even reading our petitions for her to be involved in drama, but we're working on that. Michael has been putting forth a lot of effort since I told him about academic scholarships. :) Emma is also learning French, practicing the piano and doing other good things with her extra time.

Michael is thinking about playing basketball. I asked why he brought it up and he answered because I'm always talking about them needing to do things for enrichment (what they are supposed to be doing in the afternoon.)

I like that we are together. I look forward to this winter when we are done with our work being able to drink hot chocolate and read or watch a movie. I just always hope that I am enough for them all. That I am a good enough teacher and have enough left in me to be a nourishing mother. That I am still able to enjoy the little ones.

I'm getting too thoughtful.  Time to go write in my journal instead.