Elinore Rose

Lately, Norah has been taken to calling herself Norah Rose and will correct us if we forget the Rose part. She even did that to her nursery leader when we saw her at the park today.

Norah - uh, Norah Rose - likes to play outside, especially in the dirt. Today she was outside for a long time all by herself. When she came in she told me she had made beds for the rolly-pollies. Little did I know those beds were her shirt pockets that were stuffed with dirt and grass.

Yesterday she came to me and told me she had seen a fly and that she had named him Little Fella. Eliza heard her and then they went outside and made a house for him out of the wood we had on the back porch.

Derek, Eliza and Norah get along so well. It is fun to see them play together and Norah is definitely one of the big kids in terms of how she acts. (Although she starting to feel that something is about to happen and keeps telling us she is a baby and their isn't a baby in my tummy.)

Norah is an amazing talker and is constantly reporting on things using her favorite adjectives, colors.

Norah's favorite color is green, because Eliza's is, but Eliza graciously shares that with her, even if it means Norah has to have a GREEN cup with a GREEN lid and a green spoon. (Seriously, there have been times I've been tempted to throw away all those baby utensils and cup lids. None of the rest of my kids have used tops and it would make life a lot easier not to have special dishes.) Norah even insists that her eyes are green, even though they are a sparkling bright blue. I've been meaning to take her to a mirror to show her the truth, but I'm not sure if she'll even believe me then.

Nit-picking

Recently we learned that a family close to ours acquired a nasty case of lice. I've been periodically checking the kids and I think we are safe. The kids have discovered they love having their hair picked through. When we first found out, Mike had just gotten home from the 50 mile hike, but he insisted his head be looked at as well. After I did that Derek said it was his turn again because I had spent more time on Michael. In fact, he usually lines up for a second turn when I'm check the kids' heads over. Yesterday I found he had asked Eliza to check his head for him and he was very much enjoying it.

Update

Eliza has a way with words. I will always remember when she was two and I pointed to a picture of a snail in a  book we were reading and asked her if she knew what it was. Confidently she answered, "Uh, huh, It's a...a...roller snake!" This week when Norah and I were making faces in a mirror, Eliza called the reflections "color shadows."

This week she will be five and she has grown up so much in the last year. She has even decided to go to the dentist!  She also found that she can dunk underwater and is now a certified fish. She had a great time at swim lessons with cousin Cecily and is constantly dunking underwater. She is very responsible, helpful, understanding, thoughtful and just a little bit mischievous. She is so smart and I've asked her a few times if she would like to go to MCP this year, but she would rather have pre-school with grandma. She'll be having school everyday with Derek, so I just might start her in first grade MCP next year. I'd also like to get her into ballet this year.

Derek is inventive as ever. Last week he propped up the box fan so it was almost lying on the floor and then flew paper airplanes over it, experimenting with different airplanes and fan angles. He has been wanting some Pokemon cards for quite a while so this week I bought him a pack. He earns a card every time he quickly obeys or does something like make his bed without being told. If I have to ask him to do something more than twice, he has to give me a card. (If he does it the first time, he gets a card. The second time I go to him and make sure he has heard me, and no cards are involved.) It has been a great week of him being a great listener and quick obeyer. He hasn't lost a card yet and is always looking for ways he can help around the house.

Emma got her ears pierced for her birthday and has inspired Megan to do the same. Emma has also decided to get her haircut short. She is loving being a beehive. She is so helpful and thoughtful. She's kind of the ring leader of all the younger cousins but she doesn't let that go to her head or abuse her "power." She is a good example and tries to straighten out problems when they arise. Her and Merian are close friends even if they are extremely goofy together. I can't even guess how many hours Emma has read this summer. She reads every chance she gets and a lot of times when she is not supposed to be!

Norah can't live without Megan and Emma. She is excited that we moved her bed into the girls' room and she doesn't ever want to come to bed with us. If she wakes us in the middle of the night and I bring her there she cries for Emma or Megan and says she wants to be in their bed. I'm not sure if I'm touched because of their closeness, or jealous because I am her mom and I'm usually the favorite. She loves the water and going swimming in Grandma Lewis's pool. She talks up a storm and says the funniest things. Friday, after a trip to 7-11 celebrating the end of swim team/lessons, it was "Mmm, mmm.  Best Slurpie I ever had."

Megan had a blast at the last dance. She amazes me. I would always go to the dance with a group of friends and I watched in disbelief when I dropped her off and she confidently (and gracefully) walked into the building by herself. So much for being a shy awkward homeschooler. When she was there she found a "sister" from last year's trek and hung out with her. They had a great time dancing all night. Listening to Megan's report, there was some serious calorie burning going on. Megan was also asked to dance nine time by boys she didn't even know. She must make an impression, however, because one said he remembered seeing her at the last dance. Carrie and I are planning a shopping trip with her to get her ready for High School. We have to talk her into buying clothes because she insists she has enough. A lot of what she has are hand-me-downs from aunts, and although she looks cute and loves what she has been given, I think once she has tasted what it feels like to wear new clothes you've picked out yourself, she will be addicted.

Merian has been breezing through the Harry Potter books this summer. Have I ever metioned how she always says "as you wish" when ever we ask her to do something? Luckily Eliza has picked that up from her. Merian only has nice, positive things to say. She is always telling me she loves me, that I'm beautiful and that I'm the best mom ever. She still likes to snuggle and I feel bad that I am not very good at that. Poor Megan shares a bed with her and Merian almost pushes her out. I've tried to get Emma to switch places so Merian can be with Eliza since Eliza likes to snuggle too.  I'll have to watch a movie with her soon so I will sit down long enough to be with her. Merian likes to watch the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. That surprised me. I didn't know a nine year old would have patience for such a long movie or the archaic language.

Michael just got back from a 50 mile hike and will be leaving for Scout Camp tomorrow. Nathan reported that Mike did well on the hike, even though he was the youngest there and the trail could be tough at times. I'm proud of him. He's looking forward to going to the dances next month and enjoying the freedom being older brings. Friday he and Jacob rode their bikes to the newly opened Dairy Queen and bought their own dinners. Then Jacob spent the night and I neglected to give them a bed time like before. They stayed up all night watching movies, playing video games and eating DQ ice cream cake. Still, Mike mowed our enormous lawn and pulled weeds at Grandma Yeats before taking a short nap. We had to wake him up to pack for camp. He was half asleep so I hope he can remember where things are stored in his pack when he gets there. Live and learn.

The Brave Explorers at 5:15 AM. Clean - before the hike.

While Mike was on the hike we had cousin camp. It was a hit! The kids made shirts, had a field day, and learned about super saturated saccharine solutions where they made rock candy. They also made Harry Potter wands and since then have been practicing their spells. Even Norah can be seen waving her wand and saying "Legardian Leviosa" or something like that. We always end with a talent show and it's fun to see what the kids come up with. We leave it up to them. I think it is good for them to come up with the idea and practice it on their own. This year Emma choreographed a dance routine with  Kenna and Merian, Megan sang "What is this Feeling," with Emma, Merian and Aunt Erin, Derek did a balance beam routine, Eliza danced, Merian sang a Harry Potter song with Emma and Emma taught Norah the "But I can't pay the rent" skit.

Cousin Camp always involved plenty of swimming.

On Friday, Nathan and I celebrated 16 years of being married. It's amazing to think that much time has passed, all the things we have done and been through and how much our family has grown. Things only get better as time goes on.

The End is Near!

Eliza's sandals are no longer white. The sunlight appears more golden. My kids have actually almost had their fill of swimming and the other day I saw flocks of Canadian Geese overhead. I used to get angry at the Back-to-School ads, but not this year. This year all my kids will be at home with me. Only Megan will go to high school for a few hours for electives.

We have had a great and busy summer! I feel so lucky to be able to share all the activities with my kids. This summer I have been so grateful for my family. I have wonderful kids who get along and enjoy each other. They look out for and help one another. I feel so blessed that we live near cousins and that I have a sister and sister-in-laws to be my best friends. I've been really thankful for my family this summer.

Now it's time to get ready for a new school year and a new baby! (But we'll be sure to completely enjoy this last month of summer!)

Last week Megan made Eliza breakfast. Eliza likes to use a plastic green spoon and asked Megan for it. Megan asked her why doesn't she just go get it herself. Eliza replied, "No thanks, I'd rather just ask nicely."

Eliza also would like to name our baby Christmas Special, because she likes Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas. Either that, or Puppy Chow, after the chocolate snack.

Friday the boys were at the Father's and Son's camp out and Emma and Merian were at a birthday party. That left me, Megan, Eliza and Norah at home. We played games that Eliza picked out and then picked up Panda Express at Eliza's request. When we got home and she saw the house was empty she excitedly proclaimed, "We still get to spend time alone together!" Since when is four people spending time alone? We need to find ways to schedule one-on-one time with our kids.

Next we watched "pink" version of Pride and Prejudiced. Eliza was bored and wanted to play more games, but Megan had been wanting to watch this for a long time.

Emma and Merian had a great time at the birthday party and even though it rained, the boys think this was the best father's and sons camp out ever. (They always thing that.)

All in all, a very successful weekend! :)

A Politically Incorrect Post

I've been wanting to write about some things for a few weeks now, but have been very hesitant. This blog is a continuation of a family journal I started when Megan and Michael were little to record the stories of our family. I have never intended to make this a place for my opinions, but I keep feeling like I should write some things and I want a record for my children to know how I feel. I've been worried because I don't want to offend anyone, but only my family reads this blog, they already know I'm opinionated, and they still love me. (Families are great for that!)



When I was a Laurel, our Young Women's put on a presentation of Lehi's Dream. I was in the group that partook of the fruit of the Tree of Life. Even though I knew they were my friends and only playing a part,  I was surprised to find how the other group in the Big and Spacious Building laughing at us made me feel. I know I should have more self confidence and confidence in doing the right thing, but I've never liked the feeling of being judged or coming up short.


I have to admit, when I read the "What's happening this week in your pregnancy..." web pages I start to feel bitter every time it tells me I should have my energy back and be feeling great. I know from seven previous pregnancies that I will be sick up until a week after the baby is born. I start thinking about how I have spent all of my 20's and half of my 30's being pregnant or nursing. During the time of my life when I should have been the most physically fit, the most beautiful, gaining an education, traveling, experiencing life, I have spent it sick, fat, feeling frumpy, scatter brained, incompetent and exhausted.


I hate to admit even more that I was afraid to tell people we were expecting another baby. I was sure they would think I was a freak or brainless. Or, they could tell me off about destroying the earth like one lady at the store was once kind enough to do. But I knew this baby needed to come to our family. Whenever our family was together for prayer I had to count a couple of times to make sure everyone was there, but I kept feeling like someone was missing. During past pregnancies, I've always said it was our last because I didn't want to be pregnant again. But always I knew in the back of my mind that wasn't true and I'd rather go through another pregnancy than deny the privilege of having another baby and the knowledge that our family was complete. (Incidentally, this time I do feel that we are done.)


When I'm feeling like the "best years of my life" were spent on less glamorous pursuits or worried about what others might think of me I remember that I have chosen the only life I could feel good about. I remind myself that I have partaken of the fruit from the Tree of Life and I have been richly blessed. I should not look at the Great and Spacious Building and worry about what others think or wonder about the "pleasures" I've left behind.


The greatest gift my mother gave to me was being home. When I would walk in the door after trudging through the cold snow from the bus stop, the house would be warm and clean and I would be met by the comforting smells of a warm dinner being prepared, two cookies on a napkin and a mother ready to listen to her children's school day. When the weather was warmer she would take walks by the river with me and listen, listen, listen, to all my silly high school thoughts. Our family is so close because my parents decided to raise us with a full time mom. Even after Kim was in school and my mom was tempted to do something else, by dad always encouraged her to be at home in case one of us needed to call her for something. I am thankful the the sacrifices my mom made and for my dad encouraging her and supporting her to be there for us.


I have five daughters and I want them to know there is NOTHING more important for them to do then to be a good mother. It is the most powerful position on earth. There is nothing that could be a greater influence to any child, to our nation, and to our world than to do your absolute best at being a mother. It requires sacrifice. It might be hard to see others have money for extra fun things for their family, but I hope they will always remember that being home with their children is something that they will never regret. In an eternal perspective, even in a lifetime perspective, it is not that long of a time, and it is a time that you will never get back.


Another thing I have been thinking about is standards. One of my kids recently expressed concerned to me and asked if the standards of the church are commandments or good ideas. They were confused because they see people at church not always living up to the "rules" we are taught and everything seems to be fine for them, in fact they often get positive outcomes and attention. I've struggled with this myself since ever since I went to BYU. I was expecting BYU to be like living in the Celestial Kingdom. I was surprising to me to find that some people swear, watch inappropriate movies, have pornographic screen savers, talk vulgarly, steal, and talk very meanly about others. I was ashamed that we needed such a thing as the honor police. Shouldn't we all be trying to be living up to the standards of the Honor Code? To be fair, BYU is much cleaner than most college campuses and I was living with a bunch of 18-19 year-olds out on their own for the first time. I'll let them have immaturity as their excuse. It should have prepared me for adult life when I would find out many members watch R-rated movies, television that doesn't endorse the standards of the church and even recommend some bars to go to just because they have the best burgers. 


This is what I would have my children know about this subject. Every one is trying to do their best. We shouldn't judge them, but just because others are doing it, even church leaders, it doesn't make it right. 


Are standards commandments? No, not really. But they are very, very, very good ideas. When I was growing up, my Dad liked to travel and take us to amazing places. I will always be grateful he took us camping at the Grand Canyon. It was an amazing sight! I remember looking down at how deep it was and thankful for the stone wall that was keeping us safe from getting too close to the edge. It was a few feet from the edge and I could have easily climbed over it to get a better look. I still probably would have been fine, but I would never want to take that chance. Standards are the walls that help keep us safe from falling into sin and breaking the commandments. Some people may be able to get a little closer to the edge and be safe, by why chance it? It would be easier if everyone at church followed the same standards. It makes me sad that we don't. We could be stronger together if we did, but everyone is at their own stage and has different challenges. But as for me and my family, we will live well within the standards. 


I have loved the For the Strength of the Youth pamphlet ever since it first came out when I was a Young Woman. When I was a teenager, I would read it once and a while and I would feel the spirit. I knew that was the way I wanted to live my life. More than being a safe guard to help us stay out of trouble, those standards help determine who we are. They help us remain clean and wholesome. We will have the spirit with us and have a better outlook on life. We will be able to do more good in the world. I believe that following the standards in the Strength of the Youth pamphlet means that we are seeking after anything that is "lovely, virtuous, of good report or praiseworthy." I am glad the Church has come out with a new edition clarifying things and I believe that they are not just standards for the Youth but for adults as well. Don't think once you have graduated you don't have to pay attention to them anymore. :)


Last topic on my mind. 


In the Fall of 1995 (gosh, that seems like a long time ago!) I was a freshman at BYU. I traveled by bus with my friend Monica and her roommates to attend the Relief Society session of conference. We sat on the front row of the left hand side of the balcony close to the stand. Before the meeting began everyone began to stand up. I was wondering what was happening and then I saw that President Hinckley had walked into the room. We had not expected him to be there, and it was very exciting. More exciting, was that during the meeting he introduced the Proclamation to the World concerning families. I am thankful I was able to be there on that historic day and hear the prophet read those beautiful words.


This week, the Defense of Marriage Act was declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. From the polls I've read, popular LDS blogs and the comments on it, I kind of think the battle is over. It would be my wish that this issue would go away. If I were to say I believe being gay is wrong and should not be acted upon, I would be considered very hateful, even by some members of the church. I have to admit, I don't understand that situation, and I know it must be a difficult one to live in. But, I see is as I trial. I have a temper, but I don't tell everyone I was born this way and I should be able to act upon it without anyone thinking poorly of me. 


If someone wants to act upon this, I don't understand why they can't keep it to themselves. I really have a problem with a small section of our population pushing their beliefs onto the rest with disregard of the other side's feelings. These are some examples from a NPR story: 

• Yeshiva University was ordered to allow same-sex couples in its married dormitory.
• A Christian school has been sued for expelling two allegedly lesbian students.
• Catholic Charities abandoned its adoption service in Massachusetts after it was told to place children with same-sex couples. The same happened with a private company operating in California.
• A wedding photographer in Albuquerque, N.M. was found guilty of discrimination and must pay a gay couples attorney bill of more than $6,600 after being sued because they would not photograph their wedding.

There are many more cases and details on the site and I'll post the whole thing after this so that  it is available after it is taken off the NPR site. 

What I don't understand is, why couldn't the couple find another photographer? One that would be willing to do it and would obviously take better pictures and make their photo shoot a better experience? Why would a same-sex couple even go to the Catholic Charities? Why not go to an adoption agency that would be in agreement with them. It is sad that service is no longer being offered in Massachusetts. It is sadder that a group of people want to be accepted so badly that they will not respect the beliefs of others. Our government was founded on the concept of protecting individual rights. I am not a "constitution-is-hanging-by-a-thread" type of person, but these kind of stories make me upset and worried about what is in store for religious freedom. 

I like rules and standards. I feel safe with them. I try to align my life with them instead of trying to change them to fit my personal desires. When it comes to the role of mothers, keeping standards, and the organization of the family, these are the things I want my children to know I believe. 

NPR story: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91486340

As gay couples in California head to the courthouse starting Monday to get legally married, there are signs of a coming storm. Two titanic legal principles are crashing on the steps of the church, synagogue and mosque: equal treatment for same-sex couples on the one hand, and the freedom to exercise religious beliefs on the other.

The collision that will play out over the next few years will be filled with pathos on both sides.

Act One: A Love Story

Harriet Bernstein, mother of two and grandmother of six, realized a few years ago that she was drawn to women. She lives in Ocean Grove, N.J., a quiet beach town known as "God's Square Mile," because the land is owned by a Methodist retreat center, formally known as Ocean Grove Camp Meeting Association.

Eight years ago, she went on a retreat with Jewish gay men and lesbians in the Poconos Mountains and met her future wife.

"I took a chance and went up for a weekend of cross-country skiing and ice skating," Bernstein recalls. "And I saw this lovely lady across a crowded room, as they say in South Pacific, and immediately decided she was somebody I wanted to get to know. And I did."

"We came together like magnets," Luisa Paster adds. "We had all our meals together. We went cross-country skiing. And we exchanged phone numbers at the end of the weekend."

Bernstein and Paster formalized their union last year, a few months after New Jersey legalized civil unions.

Bernstein fetches the wedding album and flips past photos of the rabbi, the cake (adorned with two brides), and various shots of the two outdoorsy, gray-haired women smiling as they stood on the boardwalk in their white tunics and pants.

Paster then reads the invitation to their civil union, emphasizing the ambiguous wording.

"Location to be announced," she reads. "That's because we had to send out the invitations before we had final word on whether we could use the pavilion."

Act Two: The Conflict

The pavilion in question is an open-air building with long benches looking out to the Atlantic Ocean. It is owned by the Ocean Grove Camp Meeting Association.

"A building very similar to this has been on this site since the late 1800s," says the Rev. Scott Hoffman, the group's administrator.

During the summers, Hoffman says, the pavilion is used for Bible studies, church services, gospel choir performances and, in the past at least, weddings. Heterosexual weddings.

When Bernstein and Paster asked to celebrate their civil union in the pavilion, the Methodist organization said they could marry on the boardwalk — anywhere but buildings used for religious purposes. In other words, not the pavilion. Hoffman says there was a theological principle at stake.

"The principle was a strongly held religious belief that a marriage is between a man and a woman," Hoffman says. "We're not casting any aspersions or making any judgments. It's just, that's where we stand, and we've always stood that way, and that's why we said no."

The refusal came as a shock to Bernstein, who says Ocean Grove has been revived by the gay community.

"We were crushed," she says. "I lived my whole live, fortunately, without having any overt prejudices or discrimination waged against me. So while I knew it was wrong, I never knew how it felt. And after this, I did know how that felt. It was extremely painful."

Luisa says that initially, they walked away from the situation. "We were so stunned, we didn't know what to do. But as we came out of our initial shocked stage, we began to get a little angry. We felt an injustice had been done," she says.

So the couple filed a complaint with New Jersey's Division of Civil Rights, alleging the Methodists unlawfully discriminated against them based on sexual orientation. Attorney Lawrence Lustberg represents them.

"Our law against discrimination does not allow [the group] to use those personal preferences, no matter how deeply held, and no matter — even if they're religiously based — as a grounds to discriminate," Lustberg says. "Religion shouldn't be about violating the law."

The Methodist organization responded that it was their property, and the First Amendment protects their right to practice their faith without government intrusion. But Lustberg countered that the pavilion is open to everyone — and therefore the group could no more refuse to accommodate the lesbians than a restaurant owner could refuse to serve a black man. That argument carried the day. The state revoked the organization's tax exemption for the pavilion area. Hoffman figures they will lose $20,000.

Now, with the help of the Alliance Defense Fund (ADF), a Christian legal firm, Hoffman is appealing the case to state court. He says religious freedom itself is in jeopardy.

"And that potentially affects every religious organization in America, not just Christian organizations, but every religious organization. And I get calls from Jewish rabbis who are equally concerned — people from across the spectrum who think it's a battle worth fighting. And we agree," Hoffman says.

Act Three: A Nationwide Story

As states have legalized same-sex partnerships, the rights of gay couples have consistently trumped the rights of religious groups. Marc Stern, general counsel for the American Jewish Congress, says that does not mean that a pastor can be sued for preaching against same-sex marriage. But, he says, that may be just about the only religious activity that will be protected.

"What if a church offers marriage counseling? Will they be able to say 'No, we're not going to help gay couples get along because it violates our religious principles to do so? What about summer camps? Will they be able to insist that gay couples not serve as staff because they're a bad example?" Stern asks.

Stern says if the early cases are any guide, the outlook is grim for religious groups.

A few cases: Yeshiva University was ordered to allow same-sex couples in its married dormitory. A Christian school has been sued for expelling two allegedly lesbian students. Catholic Charities abandoned its adoption service in Massachusetts after it was told to place children with same-sex couples. The same happened with a private company operating in California.

A psychologist in Mississippi who refused to counsel a lesbian couple lost her case, and legal experts believe that a doctor who refused to provide IVF services to a lesbian woman is about to lose his pending case before the California Supreme Court.

And then there's the case of a wedding photographer in Albuquerque, N.M.

On January 28, 2008, the New Mexico Human Rights Commission heard the case of Vanessa Willock v. Elane Photography.

Willock, in the midst of planning her wedding to her girlfriend, sent the photography company an e-mail request to shoot the commitment ceremony. Elaine Huguenin, who owns the company with her husband, replied: "We do not photograph same-sex weddings. But thanks for checking out our site! Have a great day!"

Willock filed a complaint, and at the hearing she explained how she felt.

"A variety of emotions," she said, holding back tears. "There was a shock and anger and fear. ... We were planning a very happy day for us, and we're being met with hatred. That's how it felt."

Willock declined to be interviewed, as did the owners of Elane Photography. At the hearing, Jonathan Huguenin said that when he and his wife formed the company two years ago, they made it company policy not to shoot same-sex ceremonies, because the ceremonies conflicted with their Christian beliefs.

"We wanted to make sure that everything we photographed — everything we used our artistic ability for, everything we told a story for or conveyed a message of — would be in line with our values and our beliefs," he said.

The defendants' attorney, Jordan Lorence at ADF, says that of course a Christian widget-maker cannot fire an employee because he's gay. But it's different when the company or a religious charity is being forced to endorse something they don't believe, he says.

"It's a very different situation when we're talking about promoting a message," Lorence says. "When it's 'We want to punish you for not helping us promote our message that same-sex marriage is OK,' that for me is a very different deal. It's compelled speech. You're using the arm of the government for punishing people for disagreeing with you."

In April, the state human rights commission found that Elane Photography was guilty of discrimination and must pay the Willock's more than $6,600 attorneys' fee bill. The photographers are appealing to state court.

In the meantime, they wonder whether all the hassle is worth it and whether they should get out of the photography business altogether.

Georgetown University professor Chai Feldblum says it is a compelling case of what happens in a moment of culture clash. Feldblum, who is an active proponent of gay rights, says the culture and state laws are shifting irrevocably to recognize same-sex unions. And while she knows it's hard for some to hear, she says companies and religious groups that serve the public need to recognize that their customers will be gay couples.

"They need to start thinking now, proactively, how they want to address that. Because I do think that if a gay couple ends up being told their wedding cannot be filmed, five couples will not sue, but the sixth couple will."

And as one legal expert puts it, the gay couples "would win in a walk."

When Gay Rights and Religious Liberties Clash

by BARBARA BRADLEY HAGERTY

In recent years, some states have passed laws giving residents the right to same-sex unions in various forms. Gay couples may marry in Massachusetts and California. There are civil unions and domestic partnerships in Vermont, New Jersey, Connecticut, New Hampshire and Oregon. Other states give more limited rights.

Armed with those legal protections, same-sex couples are beginning to challenge policies of religious organizations that exclude them, claiming that a religious group's view that homosexual marriage is a sin cannot be used to violate their right to equal treatment. Now parochial schools, "parachurch" organizations such as Catholic Charities and businesses that refuse to serve gay couples are being sued — and so far, the religious groups are losing. Here are a few cases:

Adoption services: Catholic Charities in Massachusetts refused to place children with same-sex couples as required by Massachusetts law. After a legislative struggle — during which the Senate president said he could not support a bill "condoning discrimination" — Catholic Charities pulled out of the adoption business in 2006.

Housing: In New York City, Yeshiva University's Albert Einstein College of Medicine, a school under Orthodox Jewish auspices, banned same-sex couples from its married dormitory. New York does not recognize same-sex marriage, but in 2001, the state's highest court ruled Yeshiva violated New York City's ban on sexual orientation discrimination. Yeshiva now allows all couples in the dorm.

Parochial schools: California Lutheran High School, a Protestant school in Wildomar, holds that homosexuality is a sin. After the school suspended two girls who were allegedly in a lesbian relationship, the girls' parents sued, saying the school was violating the state's civil rights act protecting gay men and lesbians from discrimination. The case is before a state judge.

Medical services: A Christian gynecologist at North Coast Women's Care Medical Group in Vista, Calif., refused to give his patient in vitro fertilization treatment because she is in a lesbian relationship, and he claimed that doing so would violate his religious beliefs. (The doctor referred the patient to his partner, who agreed to do the treatment.) The woman sued under the state's civil rights act. The California Supreme Court heard oral arguments in May 2008, and legal experts believe that the woman's right to medical treatment will trump the doctor's religious beliefs. One justice suggested that the doctors take up a different line of business.

Psychological services: A mental health counselor at North Mississippi Health Services refused therapy for a woman who wanted help in improving her lesbian relationship. The counselor said doing so would violate her religious beliefs. The counselor was fired. In March 2001, the United States Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit sided with the employer, ruling that the employee's religious beliefs could not be accommodated without causing undue hardship to the company.

Civil servants: A clerk in Vermont refused to perform a civil union ceremony after the state legalized them. In 2001, in a decision that side-stepped the religious liberties issue, the Vermont Supreme Court ruled that he did not need to perform the ceremony because there were other civil servants who would. However, the court did indicate that religious beliefs do not allow employees to discriminate against same-sex couples.

Adoption services: A same-sex couple in California applied to Adoption Profiles, an Internet service in Arizona that matches adoptive parents with newborns. The couple's application was denied based on the religious beliefs of the company's owners. The couple sued in federal district court in San Francisco. The two sides settled after the adoption company said it will no longer do business in California.

Wedding services: A same sex couple in Albuquerque asked a photographer, Elaine Huguenin, to shoot their commitment ceremony. The photographer declined, saying her Christian beliefs prevented her from sanctioning same-sex unions. The couple sued, and the New Mexico Human Rights Commission found the photographer guilty of discrimination. It ordered her to pay the lesbian couple's legal fees ($6,600). The photographer is appealing.

Wedding facilities: Ocean Grove Camp Meeting Association of New Jersey, a Methodist organization, refused to rent its boardwalk pavilion to a lesbian couple for their civil union ceremony. The couple filed a complaint with the New Jersey Division on Civil Rights. The division ruled that the boardwalk property was open for public use, therefore the Methodist group could not discriminate against gay couples using it. In the interim, the state's Department of Environmental Protection revoked a portion of the association's tax benefits. The case is ongoing.

Youth groups: The city of Berkeley, Calif., requested that the Sea Scouts (affiliated with the Boy Scouts) formally agree to not discriminate against gay men in exchange for free use of berths in the city's marina. The Sea Scouts sued, claiming this violated their beliefs and First Amendment right to the freedom to associate with other like-minded people. In 2006, the California Supreme Court ruled against the youth group. In San Diego, the Boy Scouts lost access to the city-owned aquatic center for the same reason. While these cases do not directly involve same-sex unions, they presage future conflicts about whether religiously oriented or parachurch organizations may prohibit, for example, gay couples from teaching at summer camp. In June 2008, the federal Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals asked the California Supreme Court to review the Boy Scouts' leases. Meanwhile, the mayor's office in Philadelphia revoked the Boy Scouts' $1-a-year lease for a city building.