Last week we were able to take Emma, Merian and Eliza to the zoo. On the way home we did some school shopping in Issaquah and stopped at Trader Joe's for some treats.

Saturday we had a birthday party at Grandma Lewis's for all the August birthday's. There are a lot! It was such a nice relaxing day with our family and it felt like summer is supposed to.

That night, Michael came home from a scout camp out with a wrist injury. It was pretty swollen and painful for him to move. He said he couldn't sleep at night and so I was pretty sure it was broken. It turns out it was a pretty bad break. Both bones were broken clear through with one also having the top part fragmented. The other one was very displaced. Michael received two shots of lidocane into his bone marrow and then the doctor forced the bone back into place. Since it had been a couple of days since the break, his muscles had hardened around the bones and it was not easy to do. I could tell it was a painful experience but Michael was a trouper and during it quipped, "is that all you got?"

He did better then I. Over the past months I've watched Nathan undergo painful procedures and I've hated it. I've held my breath, prayed and sometimes have wanted to cry, but it's different when it's your kid. I thought I was going to pass out or be sick.

His arm was splinted and he is to see an orthopedic surgeon. Great timing! Swimming season is over! He is also very lucky because it is on the same arm, but just below where he broke it when he was younger and had to have two rods put in. We were warned that if he ever broke that arm again it would not be good. At the time I didn't think it would be very likely that he would break the same arm twice.

I wasn't able to do everything  I wanted to get the kids ready for school and I don't want to leave Michael until he sees the ortho and we know he won't need surgery, so Nathan's dad is going to take him up to Seattle and stay with him for a few days this week. I am so glad I get to be with the kids for a few more days and be here for the first day of school, but Nathan is starting radiation this week and I wish I could be with him. It's hard not being able to be in two places at once!

Nathan will start spinal/cranial radiation this Wednesday and have 13 hour long sessions. During that process his spinal fluid will be checked and hopefully cleared of cancer cells. If is is he will move on to total body radiation in preparation for transplant. Once that happens we won't be able to come home anymore. We had hoped to be done by Christmas, but it doesn't look like that will be the case.

I am glad we were able to come home this weekend. Nathan was able to give the kids back to school father's blessings.

Starting the transplant is scary because the other side is uncertain, but it is the only way out of this and it will be good to get started. Having it be so hard to get rid of the cancer makes the transplant a welcomed event instead of a dreaded one.

It will all be okay.

We were able to go home for a few weekends and have brought the kids up to stay with us. The first week we brought Megan and Norah and were able to take them to the aquarium. This week we have Emma, Merian, and Eliza with us. It is so fun to have the kids here. I'm glad we have been able to do this before school and Nathan's transplant starts. We need to find a way to get the boys up next! Once Nathan starts the transplant process we will have to stay within 20 minutes of the hospital. When Nathan was in the hospital for a week of chemo he said it felt kind of like being in a nice prison.

It always feels surreal going back and forth between home and Seattle. Where ever we are, the life we leave behind seems like a dream. When I'm home, I wish I could freeze time and keep us all together, but I guess everyone wants that. I don't like to think about the day the kids will grow up and leave! I love being with them and being able to hold them.


Nathan has had lumbar punctures with chemo twice a week with the goal of clearing his spinal fluid of cancerous cells. This weekend we were told that the cancer cells might have mutated, his LP's for this week were canceled and we met with a radiation oncologist that specializes in cranial and spinal radiation. We have our consult with the team tomorrow morning to find out more but it looks like Nathan will be starting cranial and spinal radiation next week. He will undergo radiation for two weeks and then another LP will take place to determine if his spinal fluid is clear. After that it will be full body radiation to prepare for transplant.

We wanted to avoid extra radiation to his brain, (total body radiation was already part of the transplant) but chemo isn't being effective and that treatment is not good for his brain either. After meeting with the doctor today, we see that this is the path that we must take. As an interesting side note, we found out that Nathan will be given tattoos as markers for them to place the rays. How weird is that? He is going to be so scarred and marked up when this thing is over!
 Megan seems to have everything running smoothly at home (and she's still smiling!) She amazes me. Michael and Emma have impressed me when I've been home by doing their services (what we call chores) without being reminded. They take care of the younger kids and ask me what they can do to help. After our tree blew over in the windstorm, Michael chopped it up into pieces and filled the garbage can without being asked.


I really wish I was home for the start of school. It is such an exciting time and so important to start new routines. I know the kids will do fine, but I'm a little bit nervous since we've been homeschooling.


I came home to two stacks of medical bills. If it wasn't for the generosity of so many people, I don't know how we could do this! 

Since I posted last time we were able to go home for the weekend. While we were gone:

• Michael grew taller than Nathan
• Derek lost his two front teeth!
• Norah began to talk so much more and so much clearer
• Merian grew enough to put the dishes in the upper cabinets away
• Peter missed the kids and the kids misses Peter. They loved being together again.

While we were home we took Derek, Eliza, Norah and Peter on a bike ride and Emma and Merian to Adventures Underground. We tried to do something with Megan and Michael, but teenagers have busy schedules. Hopefully we'll get to go home again and do something.

Monday morning we left for the UW Medical Center. There, Nathan received Hyper CVAC part B. He was discharged on Friday. While he was there Nathan had an MRI that did not show any brain tumors. The chemo he received should penetrate into his spinal column and, along with the lumbar puncture with chemo, hopefully will rid his spinal fluid of cancer cells. We will find out the results of his Monday LP today and he will also receive another one. 

Nathan enjoyed the food at the hospital. I wish they were serving the same thing in the cafeteria. It was hard to find anything healthy there. It seems counter intuitive that a hospital should sell so much junk. While we were there, Peter and I went on walks around the beautiful UW campus. I look forward to showing the castle-esq buildings to the kids when they come visit.

Nathan's blood pressure was low when he was discharged so we have spent everyday since then in an infusion room for him to receive liquids and transfusions as his counts have fallen. Sometimes we are there for seven hours. When you add that to the other appointments, that makes for a long day at the clinic. Nathan has had a couple of rough days being sick and in pain, but all the fluids and transfusions are helping and he is looking better. Hopefully he'll be ready for transplant soon and we will get a short trip home while we wait.

Peter loves all the attention he gets from nurses and people in elevators. We spend so much time in elevators! I've probably ridden more in the last month than in my entire life!

I miss the kids but I'm glad they are having a fun summer. I can't believe it's already August. Seattle is cold and gray a lot of times so it feels like we are skipping summer this year.

I'm glad we've been able to go back home a couple times, but it feels like I am living a double life. When I am home, Seattle seems like a dream and, when I am here, home seems so far away. I look forward to things settling down and having the kids visit.

Wednesday was Harry Potter's birthday. Since it is in between Emma's and Merian's birthdays they decided to have a combined birthday party then. It sounds like it was a success. I'll have them write about all the details.

Peter is waking up so I'd better get him ready for the day and meet Nate at the clinic.

I just got off the phone with my mom. She told me about how she told the kids that after she got back from dropping off books at the library they would clean the house. When she got home Eliza surprised her by cleaning the whole downstairs by herself! I love that girl! I miss her so much!

Megan sent me some pictures of the kids. We soaked them in. We've been away for so long and I just want to hold them!

Megan told me that Eliza and Norah were so sweet and were always holding hands. Before they left I asked Eliza to keep an eye on Norah and I guess she did a terrific job. It is such a blessing that our kids are such good friends. I know they are looking out for each other and they are not lonely. I would worry that they don't even miss us, but when we are home they like to make up for all the snuggling we've missed out on so I know that they do. I'm happy that they are happy when we are gone. It has been a surprise to me and great blessing that being apart is bearable and I feel it is a product of many prayers.

Nathan was discharged from the hospital yesterday (Friday) and we spent today at the clinic for infusions. We will be back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day...until they are satisfied he is in good enough shape for us to go home for a brief visit before his transplant (assuming his next tests are acceptable.

Peter and I stayed at the hospital with Nate and Peter handled that pretty well. When Nathan was sleeping I would take Peter on walks around UW. It is a beautiful campus. I was very thankful for one nurse who would whisper when she would come in the middle of the night. She never woke Peter up! I wish I knew which one she was - I'd buy her a candy bar!

We have some good news and some bad news...

The good news is that Nathan has been feeling better since his last transfusion and we are having a great time...well, as much as could be expected. It's easy for me to say that because I'm not going through all the stuff he is.

Two months after we were married we were expecting Megan. When she was only a five months old I became pregnant with Michael. Emma was born less than two years later. Since I get pretty sick when I am pregnant, the first few years of our marriage was pretty much me being sick and then we were chasing after very active little kids while Nathan was working, going to school and being in Young Men's and Elder's Quorum presidencies. I've always felt kind of sad that we didn't really have the "newlywed" period in our lives. Being here has given us a chance to be together a lot. I've loved how we've gotten to cook together, walk everywhere together, talk about the podcasts we've been listening to, and when Nathan is feeling good, go explore Seattle.

The SCCA House is an amazingly helpful place to stay and we have already begun to make some friends here. It is exactly what is needed. The SCCA clinic is impressive and we have total confidence in the doctors there.

We have been feeling so confident, I was beginning to again feel like we were cheating somehow. That everything was going to be okay. It wasn't going to be easy, but we were so lucky and everything will work out perfectly. We were even given permission to head home for a week or two while we waited for our insurance to review all the test results and approve the transplant.

So there's the good news.

Today we learned that Nathan's latest spinal tap showed cancerous cells. We had hoped that would not be the case because it would mean he would need to receive radiation for his brain which would very likely result in loss of brain function that we were told could effect his professional and personal life. Nathan had previously had clean spinal taps. Hearing this news was almost as shocking as learning he had cancer.

In order to avoid this, we have decided to stay in Seattle instead of going home in order for Nathan to receive a much tougher regimen of chemo. He will be admitted to the hospital as soon as we have insurance clearance and they have a space; probably Saturday.

When we see how tough this particular cancer is to fight, all of our reservations about doing the transplant disappear and we cling to the hope of it saving Nathan's life.

Early next week, Nathan will also have a scan to check for brain tumors. I am so grateful for all the prayers on our behalf. It is unbelievable the difference they make and I will never be able to express how much they mean to us. So, I'd like to ask a favor, please. Instead of praying for Nathan to have a clean scan, I'd like to ask for prayers that there be no brain tumors, but if there are, that they will show up on the scan. I'd much rather face this and get it taken care of. I don't want runaway brain cancer down the road. :)

So that is where things are right now. Peter has been amazing throughout all the appointments and loves the attention he gets, although I know he misses his big brothers and sisters. He was excited to see kids when we went to church on Sunday and he crawls towards the computer when we are on Skype. I think he is gaining weight because I don't like him crawling on the waiting room floors (I gave in and let him once for just a few minutes and he had black knees) and I feed him snacks to keep him happy. I'm trying to think of other things to entertain him. He is bored of his little toys. Bubbles have gotten old and I only use them when the floor is carpeted. I'm thinking about getting a laser pointer, a small mirror and maybe a small car to keep in my pack. I've also thought of bringing a flat sheet and putting it on the floor. He's getting a little bit fed up with being held all the time. I'm open to any suggestions!

(I don't mean to suggest the SCCA is a dirty place. It is the CLEANEST place in the world! But a floor is a floor :) )

Peter is a very vocal little guy. Nathan has been interested in Chihuly since he was at CBC. Last night we walked to the Seattle Center and visited his gallery. It was pretty impressive and Peter loved it. He jabbered about each exhibit.

I'd better go entertain him, but I first want to say how lucky we are. I met a guy that left his wife and children in North Carolina. As much as I hate to leave my kids, I couldn't stand not being with Nathan through this and not knowing how he was doing. We are so lucky our kids are in good hands. Thank you to our families (especially our moms), Megan, our ward and our neighbors!

And We're Off!!!

Monday morning I woke up at 4:30 when Peter started poking at my face. At 5:00 Norah came to sleep with us. At 5:30 she threw up all over me. I cleaned her and the bed up and then went to take a shower...with COLD water! Our hot water heater had gone out. I only had two more days at home, so much to do, and I didn't want to leave Norah when she was sick.

In the past I would have been upset, but so many things have gone wrong over the past couple of months, I'm better at just rolling with what ever happens. My new attitude is that I like my kids to do what ever I ask them to with out complaining. I'm sure Heavenly Father would like the same from me. I'm pretty good at whining and this thought helps me avoid that.

I am amazed how much we got done on Monday and Tuesday. (Well, for the several days previous for that matter. Saturday Philip's family came over to help me get our yard in shape by weeding, picking off the yucky apples, and making a sandbox for Michael's family life merit badge. They are awesome!) By the time we were ready to go I felt like I had left the house fairly organized and stocked.

Poor Nathan has just finished a round of chemo on Sunday and wasn't feeling well. Since he was worried about being car sick, he had a great idea to spend the night in Ellensburg. Lying on the couch he gave each one of our kids father's blessings. Then he and Jared left around 6:00.

I stayed and helped the kids clean up and get ready for bed. I rocked all the younger ones. It was easier to think about leaving once they were in bed and the little ones were asleep. Emma asked if she could help me pack the car since she didn't get to be rocked. She was so helpful. Without her it would have taken twice as long to get ready.

I ended up leaving just after 11:00. It was strange to be driving so late. I felt like I had the whole freeway to myself and when I stopped for gas in Prosser, it felt like I was in a ghost town. The whole time I kept thinking about my kids and how I was driving farther away from them and toward an uncertain future.

The next morning we left early for Seattle. Going over the pass is always a pretty drive. I was worried about driving in Seattle but I said a prayer and I always had an opening when I needed to change lanes. I actually beat Jared and Nathan to the parking lot. As I was walking to the elevator in the parking garage, I turned a corner and saw Jared's car stalled. They had ran out of gas but had made it all the way to the garage and Jared was able to push it down hill for Nathan to park just across from me. I'm counting that as a miracle.

We checked into the cancer center and Nathan and Jared had a lot of blood drawn. We had time before our next appointment so we walked down the hill to get lunch by Lake Union. Then the guys had physicals and meetings with the nurses about their medical history. They were each given a binder of consent forms to take home and read that night.

Nathan's headache was really bad so we checked into the SCCA House for Nathan to rest and then Jared and I went to fill Jared's car up with gas.

Living in Seattle is a new experience. Driving actually hasn't been as bad as I thought it was going to be and when I get to know my way around it will be better. It's the finding and paying for parking I hate. Yea for the Tri-Cities and plentiful and free parking! Jared and I have had to wake up at 6:00 to feed our meters. Seattle has a ban on plastic grocery sacks so I will get good at remembering to bring my reusable bags with me. Every where we go there are three garbage cans: garbage, compost and recycle. Right next to the SCCA house is a "giving garden." It's a pretty place that includes eatable plants. I think that is a smart solution to help all the homeless people. It is so sad to see them. For most of them, it is obvious that they are mentally ill. When we walk by my first thought is to smile and say hi but then I worry about them following me as I walk away.

Thursday morning I got to work unpacking and organizing our hotel room where we were staying until a spot at the Pete Gross house opened for us. I figured if I did that we would get an apartment faster and as I placed the last book on the shelf the phone rang. There was an opening at the Pete Gross House! We were about to leave for the clinic so we told them we would stop by on our way home.

The Cancer Center has shuttles that run from the housing to clinic and hospital and so thankfully we didn't have to worry about driving or parking. Nathan had an EKG and we had a meeting with the attending doctor and nurse to sign consent forms, learn about studies and get more information about Nate's particular procedure.

"So, you have Peripheral T-Cell Lymphomia," Dr. Scott began,

"WHAT?!?!" Nathan immediately replied, much to the doctor and nurses shock. After they realized he was teasing, they told us that several years ago that really happened with a man who had already been through transplant. Throughout his treatment he had never realized that the strange sounding desiese that ended with a "ia" was a cancer.
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I wrote all of this almost a month ago and was interrupted mid-thought. Since I can't remember what I was going to say, here's a brief synopsis of what happened.

Jared was determined not to be the best donor and was off the hook. Randy Dupuy came to visit and we all went to the EMP. Nathan had been wanting to go there since it had opened. I hope he enjoyed it, although he really wasn't feeling well. Nathan had just gone through a round of chemo so we were able to return home since they wanted the chemo to take full effect before any more tests were taken. We were able to have Fourth of July with our family and Jared and his kids stayed with us for a week. We came back to the SSCA and have had non-stop appointments since!

Eliza has the most points on our memorization station. In fact she just has to memorize one more Article of Faith and she will earn a Blizzard. Right now she is saying, "We believe in the MISERABLE geathering of Isreal."

Last night, at scripture study we asked what promises we make at baptism. Derek said, "um, not to kill anybody?" and Eliza answered, "We promise to NEVER do ANYTHING bad." Hmm, kind of opposite ends of the spectrum there.

I've been letting Megan and Michael occassionally stay up later and watch Psych together. I love listening to them laugh and talk about it later.

Nathan, hopefully, has his last round of chemo tomorrow. In less than two weeks we will find out if the cancer is in remission. If it is, we will immediately be sent up to Seattle. These next two weeks will be very full of preparations and spending time as a family. Our departure will coincide with Father's Day/Megan's 16th birthday and the girls leaving for girls' camp. This time will be so busy and go so quickly. I don't want to leave my kids. I want to make sure to spend time with them and enjoy them in this short time left. How am I going to get everything ready and still have relaxed family time?

I feel like that guy who jumped out of a weather balloon from the edge of space. Once we start the transplant process there is no going back. We just jump and hope for a safe landing. Last week Nathan and I went to the temple and as we left I felt so good and confident. I knew everything was going to be okay. I felt like this was too good to be true after all the statistics and experiences I have read. When Nathan makes it through this, I will feel like we have cheated death.